The term Irrelevant is defined by Webster in three ways, “not relevant, unimportant and useless“. That doesn’t sound too overly appealing. I don’t foresee too many of us lining up to BE any of that. But how many of us live our lives from this core belief? How many of us teach others to treat us this way because we truly believe it about ourselves? How many of us teach our children to do this? Yes, in this life, we teach people how to treat us. Just like we teach our children how to treat others with respect, we teach everyone we connect with how we want to be treated and/or viewed. Sound crazy? We also have to take into account the yucky feeling that someone actually taught us to believe that being irrelevant is acceptable. Say it with me, “OUCH”!
That smack up side the head and heart is a bit of a doozy. As I have been evolving through my journey from heartache to healthy, I had to take a step back in my life and start to identify where I was allowing myself to be treated as if I actually did not matter. I tried what many of us do when we start this path towards personal growth. I also flailed, failed, and face-planted many times through the process. I made that fatal mistake of looking at everyone and everything around me and started demanding to be treated different. “I mattered”, I declared to my husband. “I deserve your respect”, I screamed at my children. “I am worth more”, I yelled at whom ever was in earshot.
All I did was go from one extreme to the other. Let me be the first to tell you, that doesn’t work. What it does do, is create conflict, confusion, and crash-course-collisions in an already jacked-up situation. It also makes you feel crazy inside and indirectly reaffirms that you indeed do NOT matter. Because, when you come at this life with an attitude of blame, you will face-plant every single time! It took many not-so-pleasant conversations with my husband to see that blaming anyone else for my lack of self worth or the fact that I did not matter in my OWN life was in direct correlation with what I wasn’t owning in my own life. (Insert many, many profanities and imagine them swirling above my head on the ceiling, and tufts of my red-dyed hair flitting about).
This Journey4lyfe we are all on throws us many curve balls and the only thing that makes the difference between those of us that are living the life in gratitude and living life in attitude is this: Face it or Flinch. When we face the difficulties we are honoring ourselves. Through the lessons learned I came to find new ways to accept myself inside on a core level. I began to matter to myself and my perspective changed. I saw that I had to matter to matter. I saw that when I would flinch I would also shut down, push things outside myself, and limit my own value a.k.a. my importance. I then became useless in my life and eventually irrelevant. I become the very definition of that which I was fearing most!
How does this change? Daily. Yes, its and everyday kinda thing. Take for instance the aspect of health. When I was at my heaviest weight of 276 pounds I felt worthless. I literally did not feel like I mattered enough to be healthy. I didn’t care what I wore as long as it covered everything up. I didn’t want anyone to see me, talk to me, love me, or need me. I was hiding within myself because I didn’t matter to myself and becoming useless so much so that those closest to me indeed stopped seeing me.. I taught them well. I taught myself to become irrelevant in my own life!
There have been many, many steps taken and late night conversations (and fights, I’m as stubborn as they come and I own that). That very first step I took when I talked with my husband was the beginning of me finding my relevance again and facing my fear. Owning within myself and to another person that I wanted more in this life and that I did matter, that I was worth it and I would do whatever it took to get to where I needed to be… that was my start.
As a parent, this has been a huge struggle from the start…. I thought that if I took time to focus on myself that it equated with “they don’t matter as much as I do”….. and I was petrified that they would actually feel that way! It’s honestly the airplane mask dilemma though. I had to become a priority in my own life. I had to put the mask on my mouth first. I had to matter to me before I could be of service to anyone else in this life.
Being relevant starts from within YOU. You already are relevant.